Lord, why can’t I let you fill the emptiness in me? There are so many times that I just feel so downcast and anxious about my actual position with regards to You. I wish that I could have been the Christian that I wanted to be, but I guess that’s also within Your will – trying on my own just seemed to complicate things. You showed me joy and happiness and I felt free, but I was shackled when You tested my heart with struggles and shortcomings. Perhaps I’m finally learning to seek sufficiency not in others, but in You. It’s a lesson that I’ve needed to learn since high school, and You know that. Sometimes, I think maybe I deceive myself as a last-dtich effort to fully turn over my life to You. I think that I try too many times to apply the “if you tell a lie enough times, it becomes truth” idea to my walk, and it hurts that my human perception of devotion is so intertwined with deception. I don’t understand – and I’m not sure I want to understand – why I feel like I’ve grown so much in my faith, yet am stumbling over the same problem I had before. It’s like an uneven growth in my Christian life, and it just so happened that this fault in the ground that I stood upon was what ended up shaking my beliefs. I don’t know what to do, where to go, and who to turn to anymore. I just need You to reveal Yourself in me because I have no one else to really rely upon. I fail other people, and I feel like other people are always so burdened by my issues. At the end of the day, only You are sufficient and my all and in all; I need You to set a fire down in my soul again so that I can burn for You and only You, and not be obstructed by the things and thoughts of this world.