Losing My Touch.

As a writer, I’ve mentioned previously my paranoia of not meeting the expectations of others upon evaluation.  Now, a seemingly more dangerous thing is happening to my repertoire of language – words are disappearing from my command.  It’s not so much that I lack knowledge of definitions, because people are constantly testing the “English major” stereotype, but rather it’s an internal issue that is leaving an indelible impression upon my confidence in more ways than one.

It might be an issue of pride – I see the work of my peers and feel like I am somehow inadequate, like I somehow need to outdo them.  However, I should know by now that all artists produce different echoes when faced with a cave.  To compare my artistic voice to another artist’s would be like measuring the jagged edges on two rocks; there’s little point to doing it, and often quite hard to properly ascertain.

Whatever the problem is, it’s distressing for a writer to go through this kind of existent, or non-existent, trauma.  I cannot properly convey the urgency of the situation at hand because this post was actually spread out over two very eventful days.  Thinking more and more on the problem…perhaps it’s just a simple lack of the very elixir powering my mind: sleep.

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3 thoughts on “Losing My Touch.

  1. It was a beautiful and precious tribute from the representatives of the grand children. May The Lord continue to supply and strengthen you and may you be enabled to support mum and the rest of the family. Agnes and Sam

    Sent from my iPhone

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  2. Haha, I definitely feel you Helicon! It’s just me getting rid of my problems through writing; it’s a kind of cathartic activity for me, and I guess after years of struggling to become a good writer, the work that I put in has made each one of my pieces more potent in resolving my own inherent problems. But I do agree with the fact that it has to do with the concern of self and not what God sees, and we should strive to shine in the latter in our walk. Thanks for the encouragement though, this wasn’t directed at anyone in particular, just an introspective piece to blow off some steam 😛

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  3. Ben, I think that this is a fear that anyone who is passionate and conscious of their work must face. As a teacher/speaker… I am often tempted to compare my work to the famous folks and too often become down and hard about the content of my lessons and studies; you should see me after those times, I’m a wreck! Living like this though is unhealthy and definitely a healthy re-orientation is always needed. Paranoia & pride … you could say that this both starts with the concern of the self…. and not what God sees… and therein lies the problem. We are measuring ourselves by a worldly matrix and not by the grace that God perceives us. Anyways, sorry if I have ever given you that pressure… I definitely don’t desire to make you feel that pressure and I only hope to see you give your best… and that’s all you can do. Just remember, you are loved regardless of the work you do. 🙂

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