Confused.

Why is it that this world feels so far away,

I was close, but now I feel really far today.

I don’t understand, but inside I do,

It’s just hard for people to remain true.

You may claim to know all about a man,

but inside that man is a deep, dark, secret plan.

Friends can be true, but times can change

Which is why this feeling is so strange.

Out of touch, out of sight, out of sound,

Without me, the world will still go ’round.

A castaway that’s been cast away

Friends of yesteryear become strangers today.

Perhaps it’s society, with its numerous plots

Whatever it is, it hurts like gunshots.

To feel lost is when all hope is lost,

When no strength is left to keep the fingers crossed.

Depression is the catalyst, aiding the reaction,

perhaps dwelling in ourselves remains the last safe bastion.

But for me, I trust not my inner being

For it speaks things I don’t wish, it says what I’m not seeing.

A complete deceit, wicked to the core

How can I ask for truth, when I need to find it more?

To lose this persona would be a blessing profound,

To dwell in the light, and in joy fully surround.

Happiness only lasts but a mere two seconds,

Before it’s all torn away in a mere few seconds.

Insecurities creep in as they did in old times,

Filling my mind of all the old crimes.

I beat desperately at them, shoving them far

But little do I realize that I’ve left the door ajar.

They flutter in, reveling in the clutter

Littering my mind with dross, I shudder.

The dark envelopes me, I am lost to all

I can no longer resist whate’er befall.

Chaos reigns high, clouding my vision,

But to remain faithful is my sole decision.

How can I disbelieve the truth of my friends?

The ones who are close, the ones that never pretend?

They are truly all I have, and yet

I find myself waking in a cold sweat

In cold blood, I could be stabbed with a cold knife

Despite all the joy comes a cruel and bitter strife.

It is refuse, and I refuse it

I banter too much, exhausting too much on wit.

Though friends knowest not, they are the reason why I’m alive,

And with surety I know that through this ordeal I will survive.

The toll that is taken upon my emotions

Cannot be described by any small motions.

Gestures alone can speak quite loud,

But right now, I can express not what I am sorrowing about.

A negativity unparalleled has taken control,

I only look to my friends to help me keep hold.

Dear friends, though my manners are quaint

You paint with truer colors than any kind of paint.

Expose my inner self with the bond we have set,

Restoring me to the jolly fellow I was when we met.

Joy has not a place to find in this soul of mine,

But I still have space for the few friendships divine.

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2 thoughts on “Confused.

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